Life and the Search for my Missing Mojo
by mcgt
Summary: Bella is desperate to find her libido that was last seen somewhere between marriage and having two kids. On the night of her sixth wedding anniversary, can she find her missing mojo with a little help from some vibrating friends? This is a B/E oneshot


_**A/N**_

_Bella is desperate to find her libido that was last seen somewhere between marriage and having two kids. On the night of her sixth wedding anniversary, can she find her missing mojo with the little help from some vibrating friends?_

_So this is a one shot I wrote to try and get my brain out of writer's block. I'm reposting it because someone left a rather scathing anonymous review about my usage of 'pray tell'. So I'm changing it, but know that the words you use in a review can be hurtful. I'm amenable to criticism, but this person was cowardly and mean by the things they wrote. So be careful what you write, I'm not a professional and have no interest in writing the great American novel. That's why this is called FAN FICTION… and we all can't be English majors. So if you already read this, thanks. If this is your first go around, hopefully you'll like it better than that anonymous person did. _

_Big thank you to my beta __**Blackjacklily**__ – she's the best!_

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Life and the Search for my Missing Mojo**

I hardly recognized myself. I felt like a shell of the person I once was. My current role consisted of me being 90% mother, 9% wife and 1% Bella. Needless to say, I was low woman on the totem pole.

Looking deep into the mirror, I stared silently at my own worn reflection. My hair had streaks of grey, in spite of the dye that I paid a lot of money to cover up. The wrinkles around my eyes were deep, but I knew that I had gotten them from more smiles than frowns over the last couple of years. I had heard many times that I looked good for my age. One woman at a concession stand at a hockey game told me I had a young soul. She must have seen something, as she didn't mention anything about my best friend Alice's soul who happened to be standing beside me when we ordered our beers.

I thought the years had been somewhat kind to me. I wore sunscreen on my face religiously, even back in college before it came to be in every skin care product on the market. I only wish that from the neck down I had aged as gracefully.

The silk camisole I was wearing hung tightly to my curves. It was black with delicate white lace edging around the top. My breasts overwhelmed the material that once fit me so well. After having two children, what did I expect? The breasts that I once held in such high esteem, were now a sad, droopy comparison to the perfection they once were. They were also about two cup sizes bigger, which Edward didn't seem to mind much.

My stomach was still a bit lumpy, but Lucy was born only a couple of months ago, so I really should have been pleased that I had already lost the thirty pounds I had gained while pregnant with her. I could see the stretch marks that were left behind; only a couple that were near the edge of where my underwear started. It could have been much worse in the grand scheme of things. My body had taken my pregnancies well, bouncing back to my fighting weight only a couple months after having both Jack and Lucy. My other mommy friends were jealous, always commenting that it took them a long time to lose their baby weight, or that they had never been able to do so. I didn't know any different, and could only shrug at their well intentioned compliments. I could only thank breastfeeding for helping me rid the pounds so quickly, because lord knows I didn't do a stitch of exercise aside from chasing after my precocious two year old Jack.

"Honey… Are you almost done? Our reservations are for seven and it's almost six thirty…" Edward's deep gravelly voice came shouting though the door to the bathroom.

"Yep, I'll be done in a couple minutes. Thanks," I replied, sighing deeply before returning my attention to the makeup in my hand.

Tonight was our sixth wedding anniversary. It was a time to revel in the fact that we had made it this far. Through so many trials and tribulations over the course of our courtship and marriage.

We met while we were both attending graduate school at UCLA. He was there finishing up his graduate work in architecture design and a dual MBA. I was there finishing up my MBA specializing in finance. We happened to both be in a little dive bar on the outskirts of campus one night when he saved me from the date from hell.

I had met Mike at another bar during happy hour when he asked for my number. He was super model gorgeous and I figured why not. Unfortunately, along with the startling good looks, he also had an ego the size of Alaska. He even invited me back to his apartment to look at his portfolio. Thankfully my dear, sweet, sexy husband swooped in to ask me for my number when he realized that I was having such a dismal time. He was stealth about it though, saying that he didn't need to get into a fist fight over it. Little did I know that this was going to be my last date with anyone other than Edward.

When we first started dating, things were incredibly passionate and we had sex so frequently that I had to go see my OBGYN thinking that I had broken my poor vagina. Turns out I just had to stop having sex four times a day for a while and let it heal. We couldn't keep our hands, or lips, off of one another. Although looking back on it now, it was probably at the realization that he was moving to New York after graduate school to do an internship at Volturi Brothers, a prestigious architecture firm based in Manhattan. Very few people were accepted into their program, and it usually came with a job after the six months were up. So our relationship was hot and heavy for a reason. He was leaving me to pursue his dream a mere two months after we started dating. Once he left, it was the beginning of the end for our steamy sex life.

We hadn't had sex in almost four months. Some of that was my pregnancy, but the lack of consistency prior to that I couldn't blame on anything but myself really. I just never felt in the mood anymore. Every birthday and many late night prayers, I wished to have my libido return to its one time abundance.

I looked back up at my reflection, admiring my handy work with a makeup brush. Having been home on maternity leave for the last two months, I hardly ever wore it and liked how it made me feel tonight. Endless days of being spit up on had made me lazy in putting myself together. When Edward came home from work, I was usually in my sweats and a cotton shirt, while Lucy suckled at my breast. I remembered a time when I was made up before ever leaving the house. Now, I just barely left the house.

Before meeting Edward, I had a bit of a sexual revolution at the ripe old age of twenty eight. I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to sex. In high school I was the shy, prudish, gawky girl who had no boobs or hips. People would call me beanpole and 2x4 to reflect my lack of curves.

In college I went out with some men, but with my V-card still intact, I never really let things get too far, not to mention my taste in men wasn't really the best either. I was the guy's girl, always the buddy and never the lover. It wasn't until I went to graduate school that I really started to bloom.

In two years I went from being barely educated in the art of seduction and sex to a well versed graduate. During that time, I left a trail of men in the dust. I wasn't sure if I had just finally become comfortable in my own skin, or if it was true about a woman coming into her sexual peak around thirty, because peak I did. I was a dating machine, and while I didn't have any long term relationships, I learned something from every single one of them. My libido was through the roof and I was lucky enough to date a well seasoned man who gave me my first vibrator and taught me more about sex in the year we were lovers than anyone else ever did. I felt beautiful under his watchful tutelage and explored the various aspects of sex to discover my wild and uninhibited side.

I fondly remembered the numerous times I got a phone call from Garrett giving me a time and a place. We would meet up and enjoy a lovely dinner, followed by the most amazing sex. Some nights he would be feeling kinky and breakout his fur lined paddle and strap me to his bed. Other nights we would break out toys of all shapes and sizes, experimenting with various ways to bring each other to the edge of ecstasy. We experimented with our hands and mouths, learning about what I liked and didn't. He taught me how to enjoy the different sensations and pleasure one could receive from all of my available options. He was so comfortable in his sexuality that he made it okay for me to be comfortable in my own.

I missed seeing that girl. Once I met my husband, my tigress went into hibernation, trying to behave like the lover I thought he wanted me to be. He wasn't as open about sex as Garrett had been. The fact that I wanted more than just a quick roll in the hay made me more timid than I had been in my sexual affair. I didn't realize at the time that I was molding myself into the girl he would want to marry. Sex was amazing with him when we first started dating. We tried various positions and played with some of the toys that I had hidden in my nightstand drawer. Thankfully he never asked where I had gotten them, since they had all been given to me as gifts. It was wild in a tepid way. It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I missed the crazy passionate and sexy person that was still lurking just below the surface.

Now eight years later, I had officially lost my mojo somewhere in the years between marriage, struggles with infertility, pregnancy, and now children. I was itching to find it again. Knocking at the door of forty, I wanted my fucking libido back. But after so long, how do you suddenly showcase a side of yourself that he never even knew existed? One that he may not even like?

"Honey, mom's here. I'm going to get the kids packed up. You about ready?" Edward asked as he poked his head in though the door, rousing me from my internal dialogue.

"I'm done." I took one last look in the mirror before turning around. "You look handsome," I responded, complimenting him as I walked towards my closet to pull out the dress I bought to wear out tonight.

"You look absolutely ravishing…," he whispered in my ear before walking out of the bedroom to wrangle up Jack for his mom.

We had arranged for Esme and Carlisle to take the kids overnight, allowing us some adult time and at least one full night's sleep for me after being up with Lucy every night for the last two months. She usually slept relatively well considering she was still a newborn, but what I craved right now, aside from some crazy, wild sex, was a full, wonderful, eight lovely hours of undisturbed, beautiful sleep.

I quickly changed into the deep burgundy lace bra and panty set that I had been talked into buying at the 'toy party' that Alice threw a couple of days ago. After hearing about the dismal state of my sex life, she made it her mission to spice up my bedroom.

The party was a jovial affair that mingled bored housewives with fruity cocktails and an overabundance of sex toys. I must hand it to Alice; she knew how to throw a party. When the sales person started showcasing her wares, I recognized many that I had tried in my previous life; BE - before Edward. After spending hours swapping stories about the state of everyone's sex lives and what the others were thinking about buying, it was my turn to go and turn in my order form. I was torn between playing it safe and getting another vibrator or something more adventurous that I wasn't sure Edward would even be willing to try. I decided to go for the gusto and buy a couple of things that I knew I liked and could only hope that the feeling would be reciprocated by my husband when the time came.

We hadn't been alone since the party, and he had yet to ask if I had purchased anything. When I arrived home that night, the sight of him dozing in the recliner with Lucy fast asleep on his chest, made my heart melt. I tucked the goodies away in our bedroom and went to retrieve Lucy for her last feeding of the night. Edward mumbled a quiet good night, giving me a quick peck on the lips, before climbing the steps to head off to bed.

I glanced quickly up at the full length mirror in my closet and tried not to cringe at my new body shape. The deep red color looked good against my alabaster skin, and while it wasn't the body I had years ago, it wasn't half bad. I pulled the black wrap around dress off of the hanger and slipped it on around my body, securely tying it around my waist, and slipped on the red, peep toe platform pumps that I hadn't worn since before I found out I was pregnant with Lucy. They added four extra inches to my petite frame and I could almost look eye to eye with Edward. Taking one more appreciative glance at my reflection, I inhaled deeply and pulled my shoulders back. It was time to put some swagger in my step and exude the confidence that I didn't really feel.

Grabbing the sparkly black clutch from my dresser, I made my way downstairs to the chaos of Edward trying to get Jack to put his coat on while Esme was soothing Lucy who was screaming on her shoulder. Carlisle just stood in the corner looking frightened of what was likely going to be a very long night for them.

"Jack, come here," I said sternly. "You're going to have a sleepover with Nana and Papa. Let's get your coat and shoes on."

"Mama… wanna go outside? Hat… hat… hat… wanna go outside…" he repeated over and over.

"Okay Jack, get your hat," I replied, turning towards the rest of the family. "Sorry guys, you know how he gets about his hats." I chuckled as he ran back into the family room with his baseball hat turned backwards.

"Shoes mama, shoes…" he shouted before running over to the mat by the door to clutch his sneakers to his chest.

"Alright baby, here you go," I whispered, placing his little blue sneakers on.

"Okay, you guys have the list of Jack's night time routine and the bottles for Lucy are in the cooler on the counter. Hopefully she'll go right to sleep after her eleven o'clock feeding." I was wandering around the family room picking up the errant toys that were strewn about while giving directions.

"Bella, stop. Leave it be. We gotta go." Edward ran his hand down my back lovingly, reminding me that we did have a reservation to make. Sometimes it was hard to let the mommy thing go.

We followed Esme and Carlisle out to the cars. I watched as Esme fastened Jack into his car seat in the back of their SUV and Edward placed Lucy's into the base on the other side. Leaning in, I gave Jack a quick kiss on his forehead. "Bye, sweet pea. Be good for Nana. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye bye mama, see ya," he responded jovially.

Leaning over, I gave Lucy a kiss on her chubby cheek and shut the door.

Edward stood by the passenger side door, holding it open for me.

"Thanks honey." I smiled, giving him a chaste kiss before folding myself into his car.

Shutting the door behind me, he got in and started the engine. We followed Carlisle out of the neighborhood until they finally turned in the opposite direction of where we were heading.

"You really look stunning, sweetheart," Edward commented, breaking up the comfortable silence we had been driving in for the last few minutes.

"You clean up pretty well too," I teased, glancing over at his handsome profile. He had aged well. His hair was still dark auburn, with only a smattering of grey in the sideburns. He had added a few pounds over the course of our relationship, but he was still fit, healthy, and ruggedly sexy.

Pulling up to the valet at the sushi restaurant, Edward hopped out while the valet opened my door for me. Taking my hand, we walked into the restaurant, giving our name to the hostess.

"Cullen, party of two," Edward stated.

The blond bombshell of a hostess ogled Edward for a beat too long as she grabbed the menus and walked us towards our table. "Your waiter will be Tyler and he'll be here in a moment," she purred seductively, keeping her eyes only on Edward.

I snatched the menus out of her hand and thanked her tersely. She gave me a small smirk and raised her right eyebrow, showcasing all the distain that she apparently felt towards me.

"Honey, what was that all about?" Edward asked, looking positively puzzled by my brusque dismissal of the hostess.

"Seriously, Edward, she was practically sitting in your lap."

"Who? That hostess?" He rolled his eyes before realizing that I was serious. "Bella, you cannot seriously be jealous of that woman, can you?"

"Why would that be so hard to believe?" I asked incredulously.

"First, because I only have eyes for you and have since the day I met you. Second, do you really not know me by now to know that the fake blond Hollywood actress type isn't _my_ type?" He reached across the table and grabbed my hand, rubbing it soothingly. "So, are you going to tell me what's really going on or am I going to have to guess?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"Fine? Really, Bella? You've been anything but fine. You've been moping around the house for the last couple weeks. So tell me, what's up?"

I sighed unconsciously and replied, "Nothing, really."

"Is it Postpartum? Because you know Dad can get you some medication to help with that…"

"No, it's not postpartum. I'm _not_ depressed…"

"Honey, it's really not something to be ashamed of, with the lack of sleep and everything, it's okay to be depressed."

"I _am not_ depressed!" I seethed, although when I thought about it, I guess I was a little bit.

"See… I see that look in your face, you're lying."

"I'm not lying. I'm not postpartum… but maybe I've been a little mopey," I admitted.

We were interrupted by a young looking waiter in a bright red vest and dark pants. He greeted us and gave us the specials before we dismissed him with our order of beer, sake, and miso soup as a starter.

Edward somehow managed to keep the focus on my last statement when he continued our discussion.

"Is it something I did, or am not doing? I'm trying, Bella…really. I know I've been working long hours, leaving you with the kids a lot and I'm sorry…"

"Edward, you didn't do anything, it's me."

"In the 'it's not you, it's me' kind of thing, or something else," he tried to tease.

"I just am missing _me,_ Edward. You know, the girl I was when we first met. I feel like a shallow representation of that these days. I just am trying to figure out how to get that girl back; the fun one. The one who goes dancing on a Tuesday, or takes a kayaking class just to learn something new. The one that could beat your ass at pool and do it while wearing three inch heels. I miss her; the wild one. When did I stop being fun?" I explained honestly.

"I miss her too you know…" he murmured softly before continuing. "I think it sort of just happens, you know? We get older and have more responsibilities at work and now at home with the kids. I'd love to see you find her, even if it's a more grown up version of her."

I had been listening to him while fidgeting with my wedding rings, spinning them around my finger, not able to actually look Edward in the eye when I felt his finger tilt my chin up.

"Bella, look at me. You're still that girl; that wonderfully spirited, sexy woman that I fell in love with so many years ago. Help me to find her. I know she's in there and you just need some faith that we'll locate her in still pristine condition." He quirked a sly grin at me as he mentioned finding my old self, teasing me to take on his challenge.

Nodding my agreement with his statement, the waiter chose that time to bring us our beer and sake, pouring us each glasses while taking our various sushi orders.

We ate our soup in contented silence for a bit before our sushi arrived.

I hadn't eaten sushi since before I found out I was pregnant and I was craving it. When the waiter brought our plates of various sushi, sashimi and rolls, I was in hamachi and maguro heaven.

"Bite?" Edward asked, waving a piece of yellow tail tuna sashimi in front of my lips. I stuck my tongue out and tried my best to take the fish from between his chopsticks without it dropping down the front of my dress. Licking the soy sauce off my lips, I looked up to see Edward's eyes darken with desire. I decided that if I was ever going to find my mojo, it might as well be tonight. I knew Edward would probably liquor me up anyhow, so I figured I should roll with it. His Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed as I took another piece of sushi off the plate and seductively placed it gently on my tongue, moaning at how delicious it was. I repeated this with a delectable piece of unagi, watching Edward's eyes glaze over with lust.

"You can't keep making those noises or I'm going to fuck you right up against the bathroom wall…," Edward growled from across the table. He had consciously stopped swearing once Jack started becoming parrot like in his repetitiousness of the words we spoke. I forgot how hot he could make swearing sound.

"Why don't we eat up and get the hell out of here so you can make good on your promise?" I dared.

Edward quirked his eyebrow up, assessing my challenge before throwing me a crooked smile letting me know he agreed.

Stuffing another piece of fish into my mouth, I was suddenly in a hurry to finish our meal.

We quickly finished our meal and paid the bill before rushing out to the car. We had originally planned on seeing a movie after dinner, but knowing the lust that we were both feeling, the car was being driven back the way we came towards home.

As soon as the car was nestled safely in our garage, Edward ran around to help me out of the car. He had pulled me out of the car and pressed me up against the closed door, giving me open mouthed kisses to my neck and shoulders. His hands were wrapped around me and tugging on the ends of my long hair.

"Bella, god it's been so long…," he whispered into my ear as one of his hands slid out of my hair and down to my waist.

"Inside… please," I begged, being more turned on than I had been in years.

Sweeping me up in his arms, Edward charged into the house and marched up to our bedroom without stopping. He threw me indelicately on to the bed, watching me bounce toward the headboard.

"Baby, we have all night. No kids interrupting, no rush because we have work tomorrow, just time for us," he explained, slowly unbuttoning his navy blue shirt to showcase his broad shoulders and chiseled chest. "Take that dress off, now," he demanded, removing the belt on his pants in swift one tug.

I did as I was told, untying the sash at my waist and letting it fall open to reveal my sexy ensemble underneath.

"Is that new? God you look hot…" he said, admiring me from where he was standing at the end of the bed.

"Mmm hmm, got it the other night at Alice's," I revealed, leaning up on my elbows to appreciate his naked body better.

"Alice's?" He asked, taking a moment to think about what I was talking about. "Oh… Alice's… Did you get anything else?" he purred as he started crawling towards me on the bed.

"Mmm hmm…why, did you want to know what I got?" I responded cheekily, knowing that teasing him always started a delicious round of foreplay.

Nuzzling my neck, he slid his hand up my side before tugging my breast out of the demi cup that barely contained it. He circled my nipple with his rough thumb while overtaking my mouth in a searing kiss.

"So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to wrangle it out of you?" he threatened, unclasping my bra and tugging it off of my chest.

"And how exactly do you think you're going to _wrangle_ it out of me?" I dared, rubbing my thighs together to try and increase some friction around my already wet center.

"Well… let's see what we can find in our treasure chest of toys, shall we?" Edward leaned over my body and yanked open the bedside table drawer. He rifled around for a moment or two before pulling out two vibrators, one smaller than the other. My eyes grew wide in anticipation of what he had in mind. Not only had we not had sex in a while, but we hadn't played with my vibrator collection in ages either.

"So are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to work you over thoroughly?" He kissed me passionately while turning one of the vibrators on next to my ear. I jumped at the sudden hum, before feeling him move the buzzing tool slowly across my heated skin, never hitting where I really needed to feel it.

"Ugh… you're such a tease," I moaned, throwing my head back against the stack of pillows on the bed.

"I wouldn't tease if you would just tell me…" he responded, moving the vibrator across my nipples, making them harden beneath it.

The feelings coursing through my body had rendered me speechless, opting for the occasional groan or moan whenever Edward would hit a spot I especially liked.

"Do you like when I do this to you baby? Get you all worked up, only to move on?" He was alternating using the vibrator and using his lips against my swollen mound making me jerk back and forth from the edge of my orgasm and back.

"Oh God, please baby...," I begged. "It's been so long, please…"

"Tell me what I want to know and I'll make it happen in an instant…," he whispered into my ear, continually teasing my clit.

"Fine," I huffed. "I bought a vibrating cock ring, a new rabbit vibrator, and some anal beads," I admitted shyly, throwing my arm up over my eyes to contain my embarrassment.

"Oh my god… why did you not tell me sooner…" Edward was sitting up next to me, tugging my hands away from my face. "I never even knew you wanted to try any of this. Why didn't you tell me?"

I opened one eye timidly before opening the other. He was grinning down at me like the Cheshire cat.

"What, you're not mad?" I raised myself up onto my forearms, quirking my head to the side, confused by his expression.

"Why in the world would I be mad that you want to bring some new toys into the bedroom? God, I've been fantasizing about your ass since the day we met. I just never thought you'd be into that sort of thing." The look on his face was gleeful and innocent. Ironic considering the topic of conversation.

The blush rose all the way from my toes on his admission. I had loved this man for almost a decade and I couldn't look him in the eye at the mere mention of my ass.

"I've missed that blush so much," he continued, nuzzling my neck in an attempt to get us back in the mood.

His hand brushed down my body before resting at the apex of my thighs. I felt his lips begin to travel down my body, briefly stopping at various sites along the way. He was teasing my nipples one minute, and kissing right above my pelvic bone the next. It was frustrating in the best possible way. I could feel my body responding to his touch. As if he was a mind reader, his finger slowly brushed through my lips, feeling how aroused I was.

"You're so wet for me already…," he hummed against my skin.

My body jerked unconsciously as his thumb pressed against my sensitive clit, his mouth moving in a repeating pattern from one hip bone to the other.

"So my sweet, dear, lovely wife… what shall we tackle first?" he inquired into the flushed skin of my pelvis.

"Cock ring?" I mumbled, my mind still a bowl full of mush from the ministrations that Edward was doling out tonight.

"Where might this elusive item be?"

"Bottom drawer…in the back." He once again crawled over the top of me to get to the side table, fumbling around in the drawer, past the books in the front, until he sat back up having found pay dirt.

"So, how does one put this contraption on?" he queried, holding it between his hands and turning it over, inspecting it thoroughly.

"Here, let me help." My brain had finally come back to me, allowing me to sit up and place one ring around his hard dick while gently placing the second attached ring around his balls. "There, I think that about does it," I answered, turning the vibration feature on. His hips jerked out in front of him when the sensation hit him.

"Oh my god, Bella… this feels incredible. Get your sweet ass over here." He grabbed my arm and tugged be back into the mattress. "I would love to continue with the foreplay, but I really must get inside you now," he explained quickly, entering me in one quick, smooth motion.

Throwing my head back against the pillows, I exhaled loudly, enjoying the feeling of being filled with Edward's sizeable cock.

"It's been too long…," Edward moaned, slowly working himself in and out of my body. The vibration from the cock ring hitting my clit on every down thrust he made was driving me insane.

"I'm not going to last long with this thing on…" he groaned, pumping faster. I could feel the butterflies starting to well up in my abdomen. Edward reached down between us and started rubbing me, trying to help us meet together in a mutual orgasm. Something we hadn't done since early on in our relationship.

"God, so close…," I moaned

"Come on, baby, we're almost there." He was now pounding in to me forcibly and I could feel my orgasm approaching. "Ah…ahh… shit!" I exclaimed, falling over the edge just as Edward released deep into me.

We were both lying in a heap in the middle of the bed, completely spent by the exertion of our lovemaking.

"We really need to do that more often," I teased, smiling into my husband's eyes.

"Are you up for another round?" he asked, tenderly stroking my cheek affectionately.

"I'm willing if you are."

He answered by grinding his pelvis into mine before reaching for something lying next to us on the bed. "Feel like playing?" he asked, throwing me a sly grin and holding up the string of beads that he must have grabbed along with the cock ring.

I smiled broadly, knowing he was going to find my answer rather intriguing. I surprised him by rolling him onto his back and straddling his waist before leaning down and whispering in his ear, "Those I actually bought for you."

**A/N**

Thanks to everyone for reading. Hopefully you'll review and let me know what you thought.

Thanks again!


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